I am extremely excited but also very hesitant about my newest work. It has literally been a journey completing it...so I'll start at the beginning...
I felt God telling me to do an abstract work of art. He was speaking to my heart telling me to do something new, something where the expression on the canvas was simply more of Him, less of me.
"So...what's the painting going to be about?" I asked.
"Just go ahead and start," God said.
"What color should I use?" I wondered.
"Just listen to me and begin," He assured.
So, I began putting paint to the canvas. Beginnings are usually pretty easy for me, it's the follow through along the way that usually trip me up. I listened and painted, yet I came pretty quickly to a place where I felt stuck. The colors were muddled--a crazy smattering of blue and green without purpose. I wanted so badly to take control of the painting and "make" it something, to see a familiar shape or outline and capture it. But I kept going back to God and asking, "Ok, what next?"
"Put some red right there," God prompted.
"There? No, that won't look good--that is a very out of place with the painting," I reasoned.
"Well," God began, patiently yet painfully insistently. "I'm asking you to load your brush with red paint and make a bold mark, right there. Can you do it? Can you do as I've asked in this moment? Do you TRUST me? If you can't trust me enough on this canvas to make these marks prompted by My Spirit, then how can I trust you to recognize Me in your daily life off the canvas?"
Suddenly I was crying, tears pouring down my face, realizing how paralyzed by my own fears and insecurities I was standing in front of this massive canvas. I literally wrestled with God for several minutes--too afraid to trust Him against my "better judgment" while simultaneously convicted by Him for my lack of faith (not just in the painting, but in my life.)
Finally, my wrestling became surrender as I poured red paint onto a brush held by shaking hands, and asked God to be The Painter. I asked for Him to take control not only of my hands, but of my heart. I laid down my own agenda, trading my reality for faith in His.
This painting was a timid walk over the tumultuous water of my heart. It was scary, uncomfortable, and down-right difficult. I would like to say I kept my eyes on Jesus the whole time, but that would be a lie. But I will say that ultimately we got to work in harmony on a trust journey that has only just begun, and I know will spill out into other areas of my life off the canvas.
I pray that you are encouraged in your walk this week; that as you tune your heart to Him, listening and acting boldly to His promptings, God will pour out His Spirit to overflowing. Walk on the water with Him in the seemingly "little" things--knowing that EVERY act of faith, no matter how small, matters in the kingdom.